I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
