dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize