ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
