I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think my vagina is haunted
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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