If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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