her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
