i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
