tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
