It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
