Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
