Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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