I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
