You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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