Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
