His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
