it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
