do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
