People with herpes should wear stickers.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
