Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
