I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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