if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
