She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize