you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
