Pappa wants mamma naked
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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