We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
