If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
