Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
