Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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