Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
