i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
