i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
