I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
