she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
