You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
