Sry I called you an 8
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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