I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
