never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize