dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
