Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
