spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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