He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
