I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
