I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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