i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Im part way to drunk.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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