Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
