I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
