Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
