I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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