i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
