I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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