Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
