hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize