I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
