There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
