You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
