So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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