toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
