If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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