3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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