nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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