Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
