I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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