I'm so fucking centered right now
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
