its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just pee around me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
