May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
