Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
