I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
