Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I enjoy the company of your penis
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
