dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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