he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
