haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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