porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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