Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
