I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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