Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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