I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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