I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
